“Did I just put the milk in the pantry and the cereal in the fridge?” If this thought has crossed your mind lately, congratulations—you’ve entered the exhaustion-induced chaos of new parenthood.
This phase is equal parts exhausting and surreal, marked by sleepless nights, constant feedings, and a general sense of time becoming irrelevant. Yet somehow, amidst the chaos, there’s magic: the first smile, the first giggle, and a love so profound that it makes even the most exhausting nights feel worth it.
The physical toll: Sleepless nights and endless feedings
Why are you always tired? Simple—newborns don’t come with a “sleep schedule.” You’re up every few hours for feedings, diaper changes, and soothing cries. This relentless cycle of feed, change, repeat leaves you in a constant state of exhaustion, making it hard to think straight or focus.
Even during baby’s naps, you’re juggling chores—or just staring at them in awe.
And then there’s coffee. If you thought you were a casual drinker before, parenthood transforms caffeine into a lifeline. You’ll sip it lukewarm without hesitation because coffee isn’t just a beverage anymore—it’s your survival tool.
The mental chaos: Is it 2 AM or 2 PM?
Newborns don’t know the difference between day and night, and soon enough, neither do you. Was that feeding at 3 a.m. or 8 p.m.? Did you shower today—or yesterday?
When every day feels like a blur, even basic tasks—like answering the phone—become comically challenging. “Hi, who is this?” isn’t forgetfulness; it’s sheer exhaustion.
On top of the confusion, your brain is doing mental gymnastics: “Did I feed the baby enough? Why is one sock always missing? Am I doing this right?” The answer is yes—you’re doing just fine. But that doesn’t make the haze any less real.
Related: Why texting back takes 3–5 business days for moms—and the viral video that sums it up
The emotional rollercoaster: From tears to laughter
Parenthood is a rollercoaster of emotions—and not just for your baby. One minute you’re crying from sheer exhaustion; the next, you’re laughing at the absurdity of it all.
Postpartum hormones amplify these swings. Estrogen and progesterone drop dramatically after birth, while oxytocin, prolactin, and cortisol levels fluctuate. These hormonal changes can magnify small frustrations and make fleeting moments of joy feel like treasures.
- Oxytocin, the “love hormone,” floods your system during bonding moments like breastfeeding or skin-to-skin contact, creating intense feelings of connection.
- Cortisol, the stress hormone, tends to stay elevated, heightening anxiety.
- Prolactin, which supports milk production, contributes to the emotional ups and downs.
The result? A mix of exhaustion, joy, and overwhelming love. You’re not alone—every parent is riding this emotional wave alongside you.
Exhausted and overwhelmed? When new parenthood might signal a bigger issue
Sometimes, the usual blur of sleepless nights might be more than exhaustion. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed or unlike yourself, it’s important to reach out—help is always within reach.
While some ups and downs are normal, certain signs could point to postpartum depression (PPD), postpartum anxiety, or other perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs). These are common and treatable, and reaching out doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.
Related: I have 4 kids and the mental exhaustion of motherhood is real
Signs to watch for
While every parent’s experience is unique, here are some signs that it might be time to reach out for support:
- Constant anxiety or panic attacks. Worrying is part of parenting, but if it feels unrelenting or starts to affect your daily life, that’s a sign.
“People tend to think of depression as sadness, but that’s not always the case,” Hantsoo says. “Particularly in the postpartum period, there’s a lot of anxiety and irritability, plus lack of sleep, which is a huge risk factor for postpartum depression.”
- Trouble bonding with your baby. Feeling disconnected doesn’t make you a bad parent, but it’s something you don’t have to face alone. For instance, if holding or comforting your baby feels more like a chore than a moment of connection, this might be a sign to talk to a professional.
- Intrusive or scary thoughts. If you’re experiencing thoughts that feel upsetting or out of character, this is a signal to seek help immediately. These can range from “What if I hurt my baby?” to fears of harm coming to them.
- Excessive guilt or self-criticism. If you find yourself stuck in feelings of “I’m not enough,” please know you are enough—and there’s support for that. These feelings don’t mean you’re failing; they mean you might need a little extra support right now.
How to Get Support:
- Talk to Your Doctor: Your OB-GYN, midwife, or pediatrician can guide you to resources and support.
- Reach Out to a Therapist: Specialists in perinatal mental health can help you navigate these feelings with compassion and tools tailored to you.
- Lean on Your Village: Whether it’s your partner, a friend, or a family member, sharing how you’re feeling can be a relief.
- Explore Free Resources: Organizations like Postpartum Support International (PSI) are here to help.
If you’re experiencing thoughts of self-harm or harming your baby, it’s crucial to seek immediate help. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988—you are not alone, and support is available.
Coping strategies
Managing the whirlwind of early parenthood isn’t easy, but practical strategies can help you not just survive—but enjoy the ride. Here are some tips to navigate this wild journey:
1. Accepting the Chaos: Perfection is Overrated
- Give yourself grace: You won’t get everything right, and that’s okay. Parenting is about learning, adjusting, and embracing the chaos.
- Let go of the “perfect parent” image: Some days will be messy—that’s normal. Embrace unpredictability rather than stressing over it.
- Celebrate small wins: Got baby to nap for 20 minutes? Success! Took a shower? Victory!
- Be kind to yourself: Avoid comparing your journey to others—every parenting experience is unique.
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2. Find Your Support System
- Lean on family and friends: Don’t hesitate to ask for help, whether it’s babysitting for an hour or offering a listening ear.
- Join online communities: Parenting forums, Facebook groups, and Reddit threads are filled with support, tips, and humor.
- Set up a “parenting buddy” system: Pair up with another parent for venting sessions or help with childcare. It’s easier with someone in the trenches with you.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
- Nap when baby naps: It’s age-old advice because it works! Even short naps can improve your energy and mood.
- Take turns with your partner: Share baby duties so you both get breaks. Even a short walk outside can help recharge.
- Prioritize sleep: If someone offers to take the baby for a while, accept! Rest is critical for your physical and emotional health.
By embracing these strategies, you can manage the challenges of new parenthood with as much self-compassion and humor as possible.
The bottom line
Parenthood is a journey unlike any other—messy, challenging, and full of moments that will take your breath away. While the exhaustion and chaos can feel overwhelming, remember that this is just one season, and you’re navigating it with strength and love.
Take it one day (and one cup of coffee) at a time. The little victories—like a quiet moment with your baby or a good laugh at the absurdity—are worth celebrating. You’re not alone in this, and you’re doing far better than you might think.
Sources:
- The drop in Estrogen and progesterone after birth. Psychosomatics. 1998. “Review Article Hormonal Changes in the Postpartum and Implications for Postpartum Depression.”
- Oxytocin, the Love hormone. The Harvard Medical School. 2015. “Love and the Brain | Harvard Medical School.”
- Cortisol’s role in parents’ life. National Library of Medicine. 2018. “Effect of increase in cortisol level due to stress in healthy young individuals on dynamic and static balance scores.”
- The role of prolactin. National Library of Medicine. 2023. “Maternal psychological distress and lactation and breastfeeding outcomes: A narrative review – PMC.”
