Parenting has evolved over generations, with fathers stepping into more active roles at home. Yet, even in families where parenting duties are shared, studies consistently show that mothers often carry the lion’s share of the mental load. This invisible burden goes beyond physical tasks—it’s about the relentless mental juggling that keeps a household running smoothly.
When Cedric Thompson Jr., a former NFL player and father of three, experienced solo parenting for eight days while his wife visited family in the Philippines, he gained a profound understanding of the mental load his wife manages daily and shared it in a now-viral video with almost 27 million views.
Related: It’s official: the mental load is hurting your relationship with your partner, survey finds
What is the mental load?
The mental load, also referred to as the cognitive labor of parenting, encompasses invisible and ongoing responsibilities. These include planning, organizing, and remembering everything needed to keep a household functioning. It’s not just about performing tasks but ensuring they happen at the right time and in the right way.
For moms, the mental load often looks like:
- Scheduling and tracking appointments: Routine doctor visits, school meetings, and extracurricular activities.
- Managing household logistics: Knowing when the pantry needs restocking, which clothes the kids have outgrown, and ensuring the house runs smoothly.
- Communication: Coordinating with teachers, caregivers, and extended family members to keep everyone informed.
- Anticipating needs: Planning meals, packing school bags, and thinking ahead to avoid potential issues.
Cedric Thompson’s eye-opening experience
Thompson shared his realization in a heartfelt video after eight days of solo parenting. “I had no idea it felt like this,” he admitted, holding a sleeping child in his arms. While he expected the physical demands—feeding, cleaning, transporting, and managing sleep schedules—he was unprepared for the mental weight of constantly having to think ahead.
“The endless planning, remembering, and organizing is exhausting in ways I never understood before,” Thompson said. “I now have so much empathy for my wife and what she carries daily.”
His candid acknowledgment resonated with parents everywhere, particularly mothers who often feel their efforts go unnoticed.
The mental load is about more than helping
One of the most poignant moments in Thompson’s video came when he reflected on the difference between helping and truly sharing the mental load.
“I know I can’t always take the mental load away, but I can definitely make it lighter,” he said. This shift in perspective—from helping with individual tasks to actively participating in the management of the household—represents a significant step toward easing the burden on mothers.
Daily realities of the mental load
To illustrate the mental load, let’s break it down into a partial list of what moms often manage:
- Keeping track of kids’ immunizations and healthcare records.
- Knowing each child’s friends, teachers, and preferences.
- Updating the family calendar with school events, activities, and appointments.
- Remembering to buy birthday gifts for classmates or plan holiday traditions.
- Mentally logging which foods each family member likes—or dislikes.
- Anticipating seasonal needs, like new winter coats or sunscreen for summer.
As one commenter on Thompson’s post noted, “You are operating the day-to-day under a structure she put in place.” Even when one parent steps in temporarily, they’re often following a system that the default parent has meticulously created.
Related: True Life: I’m the Default Parent – Motherly
Lightening the mental load
Moms often don’t ask for help with the mental load because doing so requires additional effort—as explaining or delegating tasks adds to their cognitive burden. Here are some strategies for partners looking to step up:
- Anticipate needs: Instead of waiting to be asked, look for recurring patterns and take the initiative to handle them.
- Own specific tasks: Take complete responsibility for a portion of the household management, like meal planning or school communications.
- Communicate effectively: Regularly check in to ensure the workload feels balanced and adjust as needed.
Validating the mental load matters
One of the most powerful takeaways from Thompson’s experience is the importance of validation. Many moms shared how much it meant to see the mental load acknowledged and understood.
As one commenter wrote, “The realization and verbalization of it makes the load lighter. Sometimes mental heaviness is worse than the physical.”
Another pointed out, “The way you take the mental load away is you pretend you have to do it alone, even when she comes back. That’s why she has the mental load—because she feels like she has to do most of it alone, even if you’re there to help.”
Thompson’s experience sheds light on a common but often overlooked reality: the mental load is invisible, relentless, and emotionally taxing. When partners take the time to truly understand and share this burden, they not only strengthen their relationships but also create a more equitable and supportive household.
The mental load should not fall entirely on one person’s shoulders. By recognizing its weight and actively working to lighten it, families can foster healthier dynamics and stronger connections.
In the words of Thompson himself, “The most profound lessons come when we walk in someone else’s shoes, even if just for a little while.”Father of 3 realizes the true weight of his wife’s ‘mental load’ after 8 days alone with the kids
