Dear Mama,
You should be proud. Proud of the way you mother.
Not because you do it perfectly (because, of course, you don’t).
Not because you’re nailing every single piece of advice you’ve read in those parenting books (no one is doing it all, okay?)
You should be proud of how much you care.
Of course, you have bad days. You get it wrong sometimes, miss the mark, and it breaks your heart when you do—because you care so much. And you should be proud of that. You have an incredible heart, and your kids are so lucky to have you.
You should be proud of your love.
These kids may make billions of mistakes. They will annoy you (it’s okay to admit it), scare you, hurt your feelings, and test your patience—but they will never outrun your love. You know that to the depths of your being. Your love is big enough for all of it. That just might be one of the most profound gifts on this planet.
You should be proud of how you show up.
Even when you’re tired, you show up. Even when you’re entirely out of steam. Even when you do it imperfectly (and occasionally in a bad mood).
Related: The surprising identity shift of motherhood no one talks about
You should be proud of how you’re working on yourself.
Maybe you’re working on boundaries and learning to say no. Maybe you’re practicing self-care (even when it feels unnatural). Perhaps you’re learning not to yell. Maybe you’re pushing yourself to break cycles and build a healthier life. Sometimes, it feels like you’re taking two steps forward and one step back—but it’s not about that. You’re working on it. And you’re showing your kids they can work on their stuff, too. Because, as moms, we are never done growing.
You should be proud of the things you’ve overcome.
No one knows your story like you do. No one knows what you’ve had to overcome, fight for, and heal from. And others may never fully understand—but you do. And you should be very proud.
You should be proud of how you fail (yes, you read that right).
Because when you fail, you have the chance to make it right. You should be proud of how you own your mistakes and let your kids see you working on them. Because let me tell you something:
You’re not a perfect mom, and you will get some things wrong—but that’s the thing: you’re not raising perfect kids, either. They will make mistakes; that’s a guarantee. You can never teach them not to fail, but you can teach them how to clean up their messes when they do. You can teach them self-compassion and grace. You can teach them how to apologize and own it when they get it wrong. And that is a tremendous gift.
You should be proud of your own “style” of motherhood.
It doesn’t look exactly like anyone else’s—and that’s a good thing. These kids need YOU—not anyone else’s mom. You also have a list of weaknesses and strengths, but guess what? You’re the perfect fit for them, and they’re the perfect fit for you. I know it doesn’t always feel like it, but I promise it’s true.
Not a single one of us is getting it all right.
Motherhood is messy by nature. But it looks wonderful on you.
You should be very proud of your motherhood.
You should be very proud of yourself.
Not of who you wish you were, but exactly who you are already.
Related: The stages of motherhood that will break your heart (in the best way)
Jess Johnston is a best-selling author whose new book Perfect is Boring (And Tastes Like Kale) is releasing in February 2025 with Convergent Books (an imprint of Random House).
