Parenting isn’t always about finding a perfect balance; sometimes, it’s about doing your best to meet everyone’s needs in the moment. If you’re raising a child with significant needs—whether because of a health condition, behavioral challenges, or something else—you might feel like you’re walking a tightrope. You’re doing everything you can to support them while also trying to make sure their siblings feel seen and valued.
And yet, even with your thoughtful care and attention, you may find yourself wondering: Is my other child getting lost in the shuffle?
If that resonates with you, you’re not alone. This is where the concept of the “glass child” comes in—not as a judgment, but as a way to understand the unique dynamics many caregiving families face.
What is a glass child?
The term “glass child,” coined by Alicia Maples, Award award-winning blogger, TEDx Speaker, and 15-year Founder and CEO of Brilliant SMB, refers to a child whose sibling requires extraordinary parental attention. The “glass” isn’t about fragility; it’s about invisibility—their needs can sometimes go unseen as parents focus on their other child’s specialized care.
The good news? Recognizing this dynamic is a powerful first step. By increasing awareness, you can take meaningful action to ensure every child feels seen, loved, and valued.
Related: The emotional cost of being first: Study finds higher rates of anxiety in firstborn & only children
What it feels like to be a glass child
Glass children often carry heavy emotional loads, even when they don’t say it out loud. They might:
- Feel overlooked, as though their struggles don’t matter as much as their siblings.
- Suppress their emotions to “keep the peace” or avoid burdening you further.
- Experience guilt for resenting the attention their sibling receives, even though they understand why it’s necessary.
As Melissa Gallagher reflected in a viral TikTok video, many glass children grow up feeling like the “strong one” or the “family therapist,” always putting others first while pushing their own needs to the side.
According to Emily Holl, director of the Sibling Support Project, a program that specializes in helping the siblings of kids with special needs, “We have seen through social media that some, but certainly not all, siblings of people with support needs identify with the term ‘glass children’ because they feel invisible to parents, other family members and professionals.”
@melissallgall Replying to @_thequeerpotato_ This video is for anyone who is a glass child. A glass child is the sibling of someone with some kind of disability or needing more attention. Glass children aren’t weak and breakable like glass; rather, they are seen through like glass by their parents being more neglected than their sibling. You are seen 💛 #abuse #mommyissues #healing #trauma #breakthecycle #innerchildhealing #abuser #familyabuse #abuseawareness #mentalhealth #mentalglowup #oldestchild #daddyissues #homeless #growth #change #selfcare #selflove #darkhumour #abusestory #healingjourney #healingtiktok #healingtrauma #fyp #glasschild #youmakemedotoomuchlabor ♬ labour – Paris Paloma
Signs your child might feel invisible
Glass children are often quiet about their emotions, making it harder to notice when they’re struggling. Look for subtle signs, such as:
- Withdrawing or spending excessive time alone.
- Striving for perfection in school or activities.
- Taking on too much responsibility, emotionally or practically, within the family.
These behaviors don’t mean you’re failing—they’re simply cues that your child might need a little extra attention right now.
How to help: Practical tips for balancing attention
1. Create small, meaningful moments. You don’t need hours to make your child feel special. Even 10 minutes of focused, one-on-one time—reading together, chatting before bed, or sharing a snack—can send a powerful message: I see you, and I value you.
2. Celebrate their wins. Every child deserves to feel celebrated. Whether it’s an A on a test or a funny story they share at dinner, make a point to recognize and praise their accomplishments with as much enthusiasm as you would their siblings.
3. Encourage open conversations. One of the most meaningful ways to support your child is to create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their feelings. Psychotherapist Nadia Addesi underscores the power of validation, telling Buzzfeed, “To be validated is to be heard and seen, and every child needs that.” Simple affirmations like, “I hear you,” or “Your feelings matter to me,” can make a big difference in helping your child feel truly valued and understood.
You might also ask gentle, open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling about everything at home?” and truly listen to their response without judgment or rushing to fix things.
4. Balance inclusion with boundaries. It can be helpful to involve glass children in caregiving decisions or tasks, but be mindful not to overburden them. Let them know it’s okay to say no or to simply be a kid.
Related: The powerful way to help your child feel loved—especially when life gets busy
Repairing and rebuilding: It’s never too late
If you realize your child has felt invisible in the past, don’t panic—children are resilient, and relationships can be repaired. Start by acknowledging their experience with sincerity. A heartfelt statement like, “I see now how hard this might have been for you, and I want you to know how much I love you,” can go a long way.
From there, consistency is key. Regularly check-in, encourage them to express their feelings, and demonstrate—through your actions—that their needs are just as important as anyone else’s.
What if you were a glass child?
If you grew up feeling like a glass child yourself, parenting might bring up unresolved feelings or habits like perfectionism or self-neglect. Recognizing this is a powerful step toward healing and breaking the cycle.
Here’s how to start healing:
- Acknowledge your own experience: It’s okay to reflect on your childhood and validate your feelings. You might say to yourself, “It’s okay that I felt this way—it doesn’t make me ungrateful or wrong.”
- Seek support: Whether through journaling, talking with a trusted friend, or working with a therapist, giving yourself space to process your past can help you move forward with clarity and compassion.
- Reframe perfectionism: Remind yourself that parenting isn’t about getting it all right. It’s about showing up with love and intention, even when things aren’t perfect.
- Model what you want to teach: By practicing self-care and expressing your own emotions, you’re teaching your children that it’s okay to prioritize their feelings and well-being too.
Parenting as a former glass child can be deeply healing—not just for your children, but for yourself as well. And not all glass children experience these dynamics—every family is unique. Every step you take to create a balanced, emotionally supportive home is a step toward breaking generational patterns and building something new.
A note of reassurance
Parenting in a caregiving family is one of the hardest jobs in the world. You’re juggling so much, often with limited time and energy, and it’s easy to feel like you’re falling short. But the fact that you’re here, reflecting on these dynamics, shows just how deeply you care—and that’s what matters most.
Even small changes, like carving out a few minutes of one-on-one time or offering words of encouragement, can make a big difference. Take it one step at a time. There’s no perfect way to do this—there’s just your way, filled with love and intention.
Sources:
- What is glass child syndrome? 2024. Charlie Health. What is Glass Child Syndrome?
- What is a glass child? 2024. Care. What is a glass child? Here’s what parents need to know.
- This Woman Explained What It Means To Be A “Glass Child.” 2024. BuzzFeed. This Woman Explained What It Means To Be A “Glass Child” — AKA Someone Neglected By Their Parents Because Their Sibling Needed More Attention — And Now People Are Having Maaaajor Revelations.
